Gone

Written by: Wonga Tsalupondo

---

As my eyes skimmed your message: ‘thank you for waiting on me & understanding that I needed a break when I asked for it’

My heart gleamed

– like the light that one hopes for at the end of a dark tunnel –

that you were back to yourself, again

Or at least I assumed

But at least there was now hope that what we had was about to get back on track

Or at least I hoped

My eyes waded the text towards this supposed light

Only to be somersaulted out of the eye of a cyclone

When you said:

‘I’m falling out of love with you each day’

Hope, a four-letter word, just like love, thawed out in the belly of the beast!

I was not sure whether I was mad at the fact I was now loveless

Or at the realization that I loved, and was sometimes loved, but it became fruitless

That I, too, was fruitless

With that realization all my senses heightened,

And all of a sudden, an unconscious solipsist like me

Could, for once, relate not only to my surroundings but to other people’s feelings

With that, too, came understanding

Understanding that I was not enough for you

Understanding that I’m not what you want/ed

Understanding that, now, I have to keep my world moving without you…

…but what does it all matter that my love could not keep you?

…why does it all matter that I can’t have you to keep? …does it all matter now that you are gone?