WRITTEN BY ANDREA MILES
PROOF READER: LANCE REED LAWRENCE
NOTE: MEMES DEPICTED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE NOT THAT OF MY OWN. ONLY THE CONTENTS. NO AFFILIATE LINKS HAVE BEEN USED IN THIS ARTICLE.
Mental wellbeing is how you cope with the highs and lows of everyday life through your thoughts and feelings. Growing up, my Mother and Grandmother would always tell me to speak life over my life. I could not understand what it meant when I was younger, and so I have fallen prone to negative self-talk and a low self-esteem, resulting in ignoring my support system, achievements in my life and ultimately battling in my faith. Today, I am very thankful for every life lesson I have learnt all to groom me into who I truly am. I want you to experience this positive change using a brief twelve-phase exercise in seven days – which I have recorded on the Wattpad platform in my book Philosophical Compass: Self-development week = Life-long results. We face trials and tribulations throughout our life, especially during the COVID-19 Lockdown, which has become #TheNewNorm. I have practiced these twelve-phases to increase my faith, mental wellbeing and overall health. You can do it too!
PHASE ONE: DENIAL
When you are in denial, you tend not to observe your own personal flaws. You mask your thoughts, emotions and feelings. This is quite unhealthy as it manifests itself through how you think, speak and it shows in your actions. First Commandment in the Bible states that we should Love God above all, and our neighbour as ourselves.
Ask yourself:
Ø How do I feel?
Ø Do I really believe in myself?
Ø Do I compare myself to others? How?
Ø Do I blame others and hold them responsible for my happiness or do I take responsibility for it?
Ø Am I happy with the decisions I have made in life?
Ø Have I truly forgiven my past and myself?
Ø Do I live in fear? Does it affect my attitude in life?
Ø Do I truly believe my God is bigger than my worries and concerns?
Slowly you will start to wonder how you are going about in life. You will become aware of your own mindset.
PHASE TWO: SELF-TORMENT
Once you have become more aware of yourself, you may feel guilt overwhelming you, and it may catch you off guard. Listen carefully: embrace that guilt. It will consume you, but embrace it anyway. Think of it as spring cleaning. All that dirt you have been harbouring for longer than you can bear; you need to separate and discard it to experience purification.
Ask yourself:
Ø Am I anxious most of the time?
Ø Do I experience panic attacks more than usual?
Ø Do I feel depression and hysteria kick in at random?
Ø Do I pity myself?
Ø Do I feel angry and/or ashamed at the choices I have made in my life?
Ø Do I allow myself to be misused and have self-pity: a people pleaser?
If you have answered yes to these questions, I am here to help you further. I can only take you to the river, but I cannot make you drink the water.
PHASE THREE: BELIEVE
You are going to find yourself running back and forth between phase two and three. Your faith, trust and hope in both God and the person you ought to be – yourself – is tested. I admire CAFTA CO.’s slogan, which states: Be the change you want to see.
Ask yourself:
Ø Am I convinced in my prayer to God?
Ø Am I willing to be patient to see my results?
Ø How can I love God above all and my neighbour as myself?
Ø Am I willing to sacrifice my ego to allow myself to grow?
Ø Do I really want to grow and become stronger?
Ø Tell yourself: even though I feel weak and exhausted, I will persevere and do my part.
Then follow the next phase.
PHASE FOUR: RESEARCH
In this phase, I will grant you tips on what to do, including a YouTube video; which I had personally used for motivation - Oprah Winfrey's Top 10 Rules To Become The Best Version Of Yourself!
Ø Watch CAFTA Co. YouTube videos, engage in the writers section and reach out to us if you need motivational inspiration
Ø Read my book on Wattpad: Philosophical Compass
Ø Watch motivational TED TALK YouTube videos
Ø Log on to Pinterest; create a pin section for inspiration and motivation
Ø Read your Bible, life strategy books and failure stories that lead to success
PHASE FIVE: DEEP SELF-EVALUATION
Ask yourself:
Ø How to I speak to myself: negatively or positively?
Ø How do I speak to others: kindly or abruptly?
Ø Do I say what I mean and mean what I say?
Ø Do I allow my past to influence my present?
Ø Do I complain more than show gratitude?
Ø Do I practice active listening or passive listening?
Ø Do I take more than I give or vice versa?
This phase five will knock your heart harder than ever before. Embrace it. Continue to phase six.
PHASE SIX: SINCERE FORGIVENESS
When you reach this phase six, you have taken into account all those who you have hurt in your life’s journey; including the people who have hurt you. All your regrets in life, hardships, failures, weaknesses, behaviour, hatred, anger and resentment - you cannot move forward in life when you harbour those feelings and draw back into your shell. Note that in order to forgive, you need to initiate forgiveness – even when the other party does not choose to forgive you or accept your apology. The benefits you will reap upon your life are greater than your expectations. You need to let go and let God.
PHASE SEVEN: ACCEPTANCE
Congratulations! You have gotten over the hard part. I am proud of you. Give yourself a HUGE HUG and embrace the positive energy you feel right now. Acceptance is when you let go of the fear of change, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic attacks, overwhelming anxiety, negativity and the obsessive need to control everything – you cannot control everything. You now take responsibility of your life, happiness, and overall mental wellbeing.
PHASE EIGHT: PUSHING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Everything will feel different now, and it will feel a little scary. This scary is good.
You need to:
Ø Initiate – do something no-one asked you to do
Ø Volunteer – respond when someone asks for help
Ø Lead – be an informal / unofficial leader or mentor
Ø Change – pursue a new opportunity
Ø Challenge yourself to complete a task you had procrastinated
Ø Try, and try again! Embrace failures, even when you have failed the third time! The more you fail, the closer are to succeeding, but try a new, better approach to everything and anything in life
Strive to be filled with positivity and remember you cannot pour from an empty cup
PHASE NINE: BREAKING NEGATIVE HABITS
Whenever you catch yourself negative talking and overthinking, forgive yourself. Human nature has a tendency to disrupt our inner peace. Inner peace is when you are surrounded by chaos, but remain calm. When you are calm, you think rationally. It takes 18 to 254 days to live a habit. Below, I will illustrate a few ways on how to be mindful and break negative habits during the COVID-19 lockdown and thereafter.
PHASE TEN: BUILDING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
You need to ask yourself – and write it down:
Ø What are my personal values?
Ø What makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable?
Ø Where is my personal safe-space?
Ø Do I respect my own personal boundaries and respect others’ too?
Ø Do I value my own privacy and respect others’ too?
Ø Do I value my time and others’ time?
Simply, treat others the way you wish to be treated: with respect, love and care. Remember to practice social distancing! Respect your body, its personal space, heart and your mind. BE MINDFUL NOW! Use these questions to help you navigate and create your own personal tool of conduct.
PHASE ELEVEN: LISTEN TO YOUR POSITIVE INNER VOICE
Last, but not least - this is where your truth lies. Pun intended. You have two voices: one that tells you go left and one that tells you go right. Not everyone has the luxury of a good intuition – for some it lays dormant. Your positive inner voice is the voice that protects you from all harm, evil and danger. Listen to the way your voice projects itself. Ask yourself:
Ø Is it loving and sweet? Is it caring?
Ø Does it make me feel sad and depressed or apathetic?
Ø Does it stress me out and cause anxiety?
Ø Does it make me feel inferior and mistrust my good judgement?
Ø Will this decision benefit me long term?
Ø Does it speak positivity and life over myself, and others, or is it judgmental and destructive?
This way you can determine which voice you feed more of yourself, your life, loved ones and those around you too.
PHASE TWELVE: DO WHAT IS RIGHT!
LASTLY – there is no going back after this phase. That will depend entirely on yourself and the work you put into yourself. Take responsibility of your own life. Maya Angelou’s wise words to Oprah Winfrey, “You have no idea what your legacy will be because your legacy is every life you touch.”BE OF SERVICE! You cannot control everything, God does. Who will be the Best You if you do not try? I was scared of failure. It prevented me from getting out of my comfort zone, but once I failed, I succeeded! You know, it takes a lot of effort to fail. Think of how much energy it took for you to distract youself from your goals. It strained and drained your mental wellbeing. GOD IS GREATER than life itself. Yes, your problems do matter because they are your problems. Now that you know how to do what is right, taking care of yourself through your mental wellbeing, imagine the greater possibilities and opportunities you have that will allow you to reach your goals. You are now stronger. Now Live and Embrace Your BEAUTIFUL HEART, SOUL AND MIND!
CONCLUSION
My journey through Philosophical Compass: Self-development week = Life-long results was one I will never forget. I am glad I trusted God to get me through my trials and tribulations. It feels like a complete weight off my shoulders. I feel free and open to positive change, and the possibilities thereof. I thank all who had helped me to get through it. My family, friends, the prayers of my loved ones from a distance and all prayers gone out to those silently suffering - yes I done it in silence – I had only broke the news once I completed my journey. Now I share it with you. I believe in you and I believe you have the outstanding potential to Thrive rather than survive in life. You are responsible for your own life, decisions and your personal growth. All the obstacles in your life; use them as a guide on how to better yourself. As Oprah Winfrey said it best: when people tell you, “You are so full of yourself.” You look straight into their eyes and tell them with Confidence, “Yeah! Yes! I’m full. I’m so full my cup runneth over!”
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