Written by: Wonga Tsalupondo
“Nothing – nothing in life prepares you for losing someone you love…” ~ Wonga Tsalupondo, I TOLD YOU I WOULD LET YOU KNOW - SO HERE IT IS, GOODBYE: PART II
(PRELUDE)
Someone once said that there is a place within all of us that knows when and how to surrender, it is a place free of fear, free of pain, and full of peace. I have yet to get to that place. I don’t know if I’m not allowing myself to get to that place or I don’t know how to get there, but it is a place I yearn to be.
It has been 7 months and 11 days since that awful and unspeakable event. Whenever I think of it or when it unexpectedly and apologetically slips out of someone’s lips, it feels like a scab of a cold sore has been purposefully and harshly ripped open. The anguish I experience is not of the kind that sends a shock and chilly wave through your body, but it’s the kind of pain that comes straight from the heart. It’s an acute pain, it’s dry but it churns and makes it hard to breathe. It makes you feel lightheaded. The scariest… it’s the kind of pain that makes it hard to live life. Because what is the point of continuing with living life when I’ve been ripped off the privilege of living life with the one person I dearly love?
It has been 7 months and 11 days of losing myself and finding myself, only to go through the same vicious cycle, because there is no takeaway, there is no lesson to be learnt in grief. In grief its hard to digest the little things, like food – there is no space and opportunity to digest lifelong lessons that are sometimes not even for your own good. In grief those lessons are hard to take in, not because of their magnitude, but because they are platitudinous. They are uninteresting. So is life. So has been life for the past 7 months and 11 days without Lungani...
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