You Don't Control Your Body

Written By: Tara de Wet

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What is a tic?

Before we delve deep into the impressively gloomy world of tic disorders, we need to define what a 'tic' actually is. Tics are, for lack of a better description, sudden jerks or movements of the body or a body part, or the vocalisation of sounds or words. Tics can range from simple to complex depending on whether the movement involves one or more muscle groups (motor) or the range of meaningful sounds (vocal).

Simple vs complex

Simple motor tics include blinking, head jerking, and nose-twitching. Complex motor tics include jumping, skipping, and kicking. Simple vocal tics include grunting, snorting, and coughing, while complex vocal tics include using actual words or phrases. The most common assumption when it comes to tic disorders is that the person with the disorder has sudden outbursts where they swear continuously. This type of vocal tic is called Coprolalia and is quite rare with only 10℅ of people with Tourette's experiencing such an extreme level of vocal tics. However, I will not be discussing vocal tics as my experience is primarily focused on motor tics.

What does it feel like to tic?

Now that you know what a tic is, I want you to experience the sensation of a tic for yourself. This exercise, while not being able to simulate the exact feelings experiencing a tic will bring on, may help you understand the lack of control one has over the action itself. I want you to open your eyes and keep them open for as long as you can. Once you feel the urge to blink, keep your eyes open for longer. The feeling grows, the impulse becomes stronger. You can't take the burning and it just grows and grows until, finally, you blink. That's how it feels for someone with a tic disorder to suppress their tics.

My first tics

My first tics were more of a nuisance to my mother than myself because, firstly, I was four and had no idea there was a problem, to begin with, and, secondly, it must have been annoying to watch. My first tics were blinking rapidly and rubbing my legs together as I walked. At the time the method the paediatrician suggested for getting rid of the tics was more annoying than the tics themselves. For my blinking problem, my mom would have to use the code word 'fairy' which signalled that I had to keep my eyes open for as long as I could to try and combat the impulse that forced me to blink. It sounds dumb, but it must have worked. For the problem with my legs, the code word was 'ballerina' and that told me that I had to do a plie for ten seconds. These methods, while crazy, must have worked somehow.

Daily life

I've had many instances of people pointing out my tics and, let me tell you, I don't appreciate it. Granted most people are just concerned, but others are just nosy. It's rude to pry into someone's personal business. Asking someone about their tics is like asking someone about their haemorrhoid problem. It's invasive and embarrassing and I can assure you that it's not charming when you tell someone with a tic disorder 'oh, I sometimes get nervous tics too'.

Tic disorders are usually accompanied by other disorders such as generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), OCD, ADHD, amongst others. I was diagnosed with GAD and OCD. Not only am I moving perpetually but I am also in a constant state of anxiety.

Living with a tic disorder is challenging and comes with many cons. I often wonder if I'll be able to spend the rest of my life in a defective body. After all, I had spent the first eighteen years of my life having no idea why my body would suddenly disobey me. My search for answers started at my lowest point. I'd been to doctors, a physician, a neurologist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist, in that order, to get to where I am today. But the journey was worth it. The tics will never go away, but with the proper treatment they will lessen in intensity and that's all I could ask for.

The best advice I could give to someone speaking to someone with tics is to just be mindful that however odd you may be interacting with that person, they're 100 times more uncomfortable than you could ever imagine. So just mind your words and don't be presumptuous.